Keeping Hope
by SaikohBellaL
Summary: The untold story of Jane's recovery after she shoots herself. Set immediately after When the Gun Goes Bang, Bang, Bang. Rizzles! Set in Maura's POV.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Also, sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors as I don't have a beta.  
**

* * *

I ran. My feet were pelting the ground hard and fast. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe, but I could run, I had to run. I never ran in heels, I never ran in dresses, I never ran through head quarters. But there I was; doing what I never did, because I had to. I couldn't take the elevator because the power was out .The stairs it was. I had never run that fast before, It didn't even feel like I was running, just like I was moving fast, until I slipped. I didn't even have time to register the pain of what could be a sprained ankle, so I got back up and ran the next flight of stairs. I ran past Jane's desk, and through the broken glass that covered the floor. Then there was more stairs. I practically flung my self down them. Run. Run. Just run.

I was at the foyer. I could hear her. Jane. She was screaming, "Just shoot him! Shoot him now!" I almost collapsed then and there - the sound of Jane's screams was enough to do that to me. But I couldn't, I burst though the doors, the sunlight was blinding, but not as blinding as the sight before me. Bobby had his arm around Jane's neck, she was pinned to him. There's no way they could shoot him and not her. She grabbed Bobby's arm, the one with the gun in it. No. It clicked. She was going to shoot her self.

I ran towards her, I don't know why I do it, but I do. That's when she did it - she put the gun to her stomach and pulled the trigger. The whole world stopped, but only for a moment. I ran towards her, "Jane!" I remember screaming. I was the first one to her. I pulled her body away from Bobby's, "Jane, can you hear me Jane?!" I said, I couldn't keep the panic from my voice. She nodded weakly, "Don't leave me Jane!" The tears were flowing now. I put my hands on her wound, it needed pressure. Her eyes were closing now, "No, Jane!" I screamed, "I love you." I blurted out. That was when I felt myself getting pulled away from Jane by the paramedics. They put Jane on a stretcher and put on oxygen mask on her. I notice everyone was staring at me, but I didn't care. I ran towards Jane on the stretcher. "Please, Miss, you need to give us space." A paramedic told me.

"No! Jane!" I cried, "Jane!" They were putting her in the ambulance, "Please, let me ride with her!" I begged them.

"Are you related in any way?" The paramedic asked me.

"I need to be with her!" I yelled at him.

Korsak jogged up to us and flashed his badge, "She's the chief Medical Examiner, let her ride with the detective."

The paramedic sighed before nodding. I scurried into the ambulance beside Jane. I grabbed her hand, "Jane." I said.

"Excuse me, Doctor." A paramedic said, "Doctor?"

My eyes reluctantly tore away from Jane and up to the paramedic.

"We need you to let go of her, please. We need to get to her."

"But-"

The paramedic looked at me softly, "Please." I couldn't bring myself to let go of her hand, so the paramedics had to pry her hand from mine.

I didn't mean to be difficult, it's just I couldn't let go of her. I was dizzy, I was exhausted and everything seemed so surreal. My eyes were still focused on Jane. It seemed like such a long ride to the hospital, but my eyes never left Jane once.

When we got to the hospital Jane was rushed immediately into surgery, leaving me to pace the small waiting room. My thoughts went to the worst possible case.. what if she died, what would I say at her funeral, how would I go on, how would I go into work everyday? I knew one thing for sure - I wouldn't be able to go on with out Jane. I tried thinking that maybe she would survive, but if she didn't I would have had my hopes up, so I shifted my thoughts back to worst case scenario.

"Maura?" My head snapped up to find Angela, Frank Senior, Korsak and Frost. I ran over to Angela, she embraced me in one of her motherly hugs, "You're a mess, Maura." She said, handing me some tissues. I hardly noticed my streaming tears. "How are they?" She said through tears.

The events played through my mind, I couldn't help the sobs that escaped me now. I couldn't talk, so I just shook my head. That was when I remember that I told her I loved her. Would she remember? Would that ruin the entire friendship? I just shook my head again... depending on how surgery goes, there might not even be a friendship to ruin. More tears. Tears, tears and tears. I just couldn't stop them from coming. I turned away from others as I wiped my eyes and nose, I couldn't bring myself to face them again, so sat down in one of the uncomfortable, white plastic chairs.

I wasn't sure how long I was sitting by myself - I was lost in my thoughts... eventually Frost sat beside me.

"You okay?" He asked me softly. I looked up at him, my face streaked with tears, "Right, stupid question, sorry." We sat in silence for a bit before he spoke again, "Did you mean it? When you told Jane you loved her."

My head snapped up, I couldn't believe he had heard me. I just blinked at him, unsure if what to say. "I - I -" I couldn't think of anything to say, "I think I need to go for a walk." I said, getting up.

"I think she feels the same way." He called to me as I was walking away.

I turned around and smiled a 'thank you' smile at him, and then continued to walk away.

Now all that I could do was wait.

* * *

Hours had passed, well at least it seemed like hours to me, and still nothing. The doctors were not willing to give us a report on how Jane was going, just in case it changed. They said that if all went well she should be out of surgery in an hour, they would know more then.

Frankie was stable, that was a huge relief. Now we all waited on Jane. Jane. Jane. Her name rung out in my head. I couldn't figure out what emotion came attached with her name. I knew it was painful though. It gave me a tight chest and a sick feeling in my stomach. Could pain be an emotion? No. Perhaps it was desperation. Desperation. Yes. That sounded right. I was so desperate and frantic, I could barely collect my thoughts. At that time though, I only really had one thought though - Jane. She had to live, she just had to. I had stopped thinking worst case scenario, now the only option was for her to live, because with out her I simply could not go on.

It took me far too long to realize that the further I wandered away from the waiting room, the less likely I would be to receive information on Jane. How long had I been walking the halls for? What if I had missed crucial information about Jane? I definitely knew this emotion - panic. I turned on my heel then and there and headed back to the waiting room. The walk back seemed to take longer, despite the fact that I had taken the same route. I shrugged the feeling off; I had more important things to worry about, like Jane.

Jane. Jane. Jane. Her name rung though my head again and that feeling came back. That feeling of pain. For a moment it had disappeared, as I was panic ridden. I took deep breathed to stabilize my breathing, which could have quickly escalated to hyperventilation. I entered the waiting room and quickly made my way to the others. "Any news on J-J-Jane." I stuttered on her name. Not only was it hard to think it, it was hard to say it. Angela shook her head, and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I was never one for physical comfort, actually I was never one for physical interaction before I met Jane.

Jane changed a lot of things though. I thought I was going to grow old alone and misunderstood. Then Jane came along. Jane accepted me for who I was and vowed to be my best friend for life.

My eyes caught sight of Jane's doctor walking into the waiting room. We all jumped up and walked briskly over to him.

"She's awake and stable..." He said. A wave of relief washed over me, until he finished his sentence, "For now."

"For now?" I asked sharply, what was that supposed to mean?

He nodded at me, "She's been asking for a 'Maura'." He said.

"That's me." I told him.

"You can go in now, then."

The knot in my stomach eased up a little. Jane was alive.


End file.
